my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
