If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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