Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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