Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
