yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize