Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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