Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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