I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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