were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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