i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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