I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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