so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
