I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
