Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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