I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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