I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
