Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
