i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
