my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
