90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
