If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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