Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
