I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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