You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
