I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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