I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
