I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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