matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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