her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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