i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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