I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
