i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
