Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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