So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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