I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
