Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
