her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
