Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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