Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
