I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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