I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
