i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
