Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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