I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize