I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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