I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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