His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize