I got her a Nickelback box set.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
