Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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