why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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