Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
