I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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