Cold hands, warm shart.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
