Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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