The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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