I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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