we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize