I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize