I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
