Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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