my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
