I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
