Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
