How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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