The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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