Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
