She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
