so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
