If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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