Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how does that bad decision feel?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
