I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
