Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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