The maid of honor just puked.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
