Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just tell him i said nine months
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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