I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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